some of my things

I recently came across a book that took me by surprise. It was from the summer before I was a Junior at SLO High. I was dating this guy Branden Welshons and we had an awesome relationship. We both were very romantic and very cutesy and we got along wonderfully. We were the "puppy dog love" relationship type that got each other something for the month anniversaries!!! (I know, I know; lame.....)

I was down in San Diego visiting my Auntie Edie for a week. I had a lot of free time on my hands and our six month anniversary was coming up so I wanted it to be special. I had written a lot of poems for him and poems that were inspired by him and had kept them in a binder. I decided to go out and buy a blank paged journal and make him a poem book. I went around the back yard at my Auntie's and got leaves and rocks and a bunch of natural misc. things as well as ribbon and string from her sewing room; and decorated the pages with them. I typed up all the poems and placed them in the book and numbered the pages. I also took a bunch of pictures of him and I and some of my family and I and made a collage in the back of the book. It took me all week to make and I was so pleased when I was finished with it. When I got home, I also went out and bought a blue glass bottle with a cork and had put the sand from the beach (a lake beach) that we first kissed on. (Yes; I went back that same night we first kissed and grabbed a zip lock bag full of the sand and had held onto it for, apprently, this reason.) I decorated the bottle with our names and the date of our anniversary (October 31 1999) with a bunch of stars and things on it. It was quite cute and pathetic... lol. So anyway.....

Onto the book. We dated for a year and decided to go our separate ways and then he got all pissed at me when I moved on. He gave me all my things back, including that book, and we haven't spoke since. So I put those things in a box, taped it up and put it in my closet. It has moved around with me everywhere I have been, but never brought it out. I was doing a bit spring cleaning and decided to open up the box. Going through the poems was quite emotional, but I decided it would be nice to share them with you. So here are a few that were in there.....


Wait

Undaunted, I stand against
a sea of absolution where
I will make my wish for you....
Existing somewhere between
the shadows and the light.
You are lying there waiting for me...
some day I will find you.

I Love...

I love the smile that lights your face...
I love the warmth of your embrace...
I love the voice that says, "I care..."
I love each little joy we share....
I love your way of being sweet...
of making my life so special and complete
I love your undertanding as you would do...
I love you for just simply being you!

Falling Stars

I wish I could have you beside me
I wish I could have you holding me tight
I wish you will always be mine
Im wishing on a falling start tonight

I pray that you will stay beside me
I pray that you will be holding me tight
I pray that you will want only me
I pray as I am wishing on a falling star tonight

I know we will have our ups and downs
I know you will be holding me tight
I know you will want only me
I know; I am wishing on a falling star tonight

Now I have you beside me
Now you are holding me tight
Now you want only me
Now; as we wish on a falling star tonight

Do you?

Do you know you're the first thing on my mind
as soon as I wake up?
Do you know that I miss you
as soon as you leave?
Do you know that you're
the bestest thing in my life?
Do you know you're
the only one who cares?
Do you know that when you fall
I will always pick you up?
Do you know that when you cry
I will be the first one there?
Do you know that when you are sad
I am the first one to care?
Do you know you're the one
who changed my life?
Do you know you're my favorite person
in the whole widest world?
Do you know that I trust you
even more than my girls?
Do you know that you're my wish
on every star that falls?
Do you know you're the one
who tore my hearts walls?
Do you know that when I kiss you
it's the best time of my life?
Do you know how tall you are
really is cute?
Do you know you're my prayer
every single lonely night?
Do you know I think you're perfect
and we are just right?
Do you know when the phone rings
my heart jumps out of my chest?
Do you know I think you're different
from all of the rest?
Do you know I love you
more than you think?

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You can really tell (compared to my most recent ones) how completely novice and young it is. I really did put a lot of emotion behind all that though. I feel kind of sad because back then I had so much positive to inspire me. I feel like right now I only have a couple things to be inspired about and yet I feel like I would be crossing some boundaries or lines in writing them. Its one thing when theyre engraved in your heart; its another when its out on paper. Anyone can get a hold of it then.